Life Tip

When at a ceremony or gala or any sort of event where writers will be giving speeches, always take a pen. They're writers. They're going to say things you're going to want to remember.

Turns out I'm a Whore After All!

So as a follow-up to my last post on my anxiety about losing my virginity as a published writer, I realize that it's probably already long gone.

I suppose I've always had a rose-tinted view for what publication actually meant, but as I spruced up my CV tonight (to prepare for when, in two to three year's time, I apply to Oxford), I started filling out a "Published Works" section - and really filling it out. I'm pretty much a slurry of the published word. Granted, my fiction and poetry have just been in random Marianopolis Lit. Journals, but it still counts - as do the newspaper articles I've written since between 2005-2009. I've got a good page worth of stuff.

Anyway, I'm hoping that'll prod me forward to send some stuff out there. I've got a lot of poetry I think I'll start sending out which'll be a good way to break the ice seeing as I wrote most of it a long time ago and am not emotionally tied to the fate of their lives in or out of ink.

That's all, in any case. Another good night's worth of productive procrastination. My room is also beautifully clean.

Derk was the night as pich

I have a serious issue with daylight savings. Just...really? Really you're going to knock off an hour of our daylight and give that stolen, precious time to the early birds? If the early birds are awake so early it means they're probably going to work anyway and can commute in the happy state of near unconsciousness (who, after all, needs daylight to make clearer the faces of the grumpy?). When they arrive at their respective work places, they probably won't be seeing the sun till they end at 5, wherein they at least get an extra half hour of sunlight and the rest of the world won't begrudge them when they look out the window and witness the encumbering clouds falling into shadow and night. No one even likes to get up early, except the very old and the very strange, and in any case they would profit from the regular daylight hours anyhow because it's unlikely they would go to sleep before 5 - 6 in the evening. Therefore they would get all the hours of the sun, and the rest of everyone could be content in their sleeping routines without losing out on their vitamin D.

So I raise a very slow and bitter finger to the people who decided this was a proper and decent idea. You suck.

Writerly Virginity

Getting something published for the first time is like contemplating losing my writerly virginity.

Lately I've been seriously looking into places where I can get my work into print, and as a fledgling writer with very few credentials, I should not be picky with where I send my stuff, so long as it comes out on a glossy page gleaming with ink. But for some reason, I really don't want to get published just anywhere with just anything: I want my first piece to be a really awesome one, in a really awesome magazine, and ideally I'd like to get paid for it. Not only is it highly unlikely that the first two will happen (well, it would probably have to be a pretty good piece to be published), but the latter is probably impossible. While Lucy Maud Montgomery might have been able to sell stories as "pot boilers" back in the day when she was supporting her husband and herself and biding her time until Ann of Green Gables went to print, short stories these days are just not as needed as they used to be. Of course, this is mostly because of the flood in the market - but also because no one reads short stories anymore, unless you're in an English class.

That being said, I don't really want to whore out a piece of writing that I think is really quality to a low end rag when it's possibly something that could go alongside a more prestigious collection of work. I really want to start of a high note and stay strong.

Also, I am a total snob about getting printed in an e-zine. Unfortunately, and here comes the first test of where I start to draw the line on my personal views of money vs. artistic self worth: e-zines pay money, printed magazines don't really. Do I send my stuff to be push-button published and get paid, or do I be self-righteous for art's sake and suffer brokeness but get a physical copy of my work on a real, pulpy, ink-scented page?

Anyway, lots for consideration. What I should do is stop deliberating and just send my stuff out. Don't think, just do it, as one of my good friends likes to say.

In which I nerdgasm for 410 whole words...

Sometimes I feel there is nothing in this world I could love more than Lord of the Rings.

Usually this sentiment is felt strongest when I've just finished dedicating my life to the whole 12 hours worth of extended edition glory. But truly, and with the utmost reverence from the bottom of my being where the remotest shards of spirituality reside, Lord of the Rings is the greatest thing in the world.

I won't lie - I fell in love with the movies before the books. (Writing that sentence not only killed all of the purists out there, but the book lover in me died as well). Every word uttered in the films are perfect, weighed and cut through to the purest sense of etymology. It's the words I love most on the great and towering pinnacle of my adoration. After that comes everything else in a sweeping rush of brilliance. The sheer passion felt by everyone working on the set comes through so strong it is impossible to justly criticize. If ever there was a way to capture this trilogy to film, it was in these movies, with these actors, and these prop-makers, and these editors and scriptwriters and music scorers, and, especially, this director.

I will probably always think of the films first when LotR comes up in conversation. But everything - the books, The Hobbit, the art by Alan Lee and John Howe, even the shitty weird movies made way back when they still thought it was a good idea to mix live-action with animation - everything about the story and (nearly) everything that was a byproduct of the story is amazing. The world would be a darker place without J. R. R. Tolkien, and, at the very least, my own life is made better because of Peter Jackson.

The one thing that is always frustrating upon finishing the movies, though, is the feeling of disorientation that follows when you realize your own journey through this story has been a lot less impactful than Frodo's. It's rather a drag to peel yourself off the couch amid crumbs of chips and chipped mugs of emptied tea and remember you're in your parents' basement, still at school, working for minimum wage, and unlikely to change the world any time soon.

Except it tends to wake some little spark of determination inside like no other thing in this world.

Because, if nothing else, these movies make me want to write.

Dip That Looks Gross But Tastes Fucking Great

I also made this a long time ago. For a while, this was basically my "thing". At parties, I'd make this dip and people would be very happy with it and so I'd make it some more and some more and eventually it escalated into a frenzy of tortilla chips and satiated (albeit guilty) bellies. Anyway, I haven't made it for a while so I don't remember much about the taste, just that it looked gross but was delicious anyway. So here we go. Good luck with my ambiguous portions and ratios of things.

Dip That Looks Gross But Tastes Fucking Great

You will need:

sour cream

mayonnaise

salsa (according to spicy tolerance)

salsa con queso (Tostitos brand)

shredded cheese mixture (of choice, but cheddar, monterey jack, and colby work great)

1/2 TBS lime juice

little bit of dijon mustard

tabasco sauce

Depending on how much you want, mix equal parts sour cream and mayonnaise, and about half the amount of salsa and salsa con queso. Add lime juice, dijon mustard, and tabasco sauce to taste. Mix well.

It should be a gross, sickly, chunky salmon colour at this point. Cover with shredded cheese to mask the unattractiveness. Add a dollop of salsa on top, surrounded by some olives and parsley to make it even prettier.

Best with Tostitos or other corn chips.

The Best Breakfast Sandwich in the World

This is something I threw together ages ago and wrote down desperately in hopes of replicating later, but sadly lost over the years - until now! So before I lose it again, here's the most delicious (although probably the most unhealthy) brekkie indulgence around. (Although I should probably try making that again before I make that claim).

The Best Breakfast Sandwich in the World

1 regular croissant

1 egg, over-easy but still runny

2 slices fried-to-perfection bacon

1/4 cup cheddar cheese (variety to taste), shredded

1/4 cup monterey Jack cheese, shredded

1/4 cup colby cheese, shredded

salt and pepper to taste

Cut croissant in half and warm in toaster oven; should be flakey-crisp on the outside and soft on the inside.

Take out croissant and scatter cheese over both sides; put back in toaster oven and grill the cheese so that it is runny and oozy.

Remove from toaster oven and toss on that egg and bacon. Salt and pepper to taste.

Close it up, and cut it in half so you don't get egg yolk squirted all over yourself.

Eat and be amazed.

Creamy Berry Smoothie

Another smoothie day! This one's a bit more on the sweet side - perhaps a bit too much for me, but my mom's taste buds had a field day with it. So, for her sake, I'm posting this so that I might find it again at a later date and make her happy again.

Creamy Berry Smoothie

2/3 cups milk

2 TBS black current syrup

1 small Danone container strawberry yogourt

1 small Danone container raspberry yogourt

2 bananas (or 1 large one)

1 tsp medium grade maple syrup (or to taste)

Liquify. Pour. Ingest.

If it's too black-current-y, add either more maple syrup or banana.

Makes 2 cups.